To Have or Not To Have?? Engagement Party Etiquette.

Engagement Parties. . . where shall we begin?  I realized recently this would be a great topic to address when my parents decided to host one for my fiance and me.  The RSVP’s were accompanied by questions from querying minds on the etiquette of engagement parties.  It turned out that many of our friends, although many of them are married and have been part of several weddings before, had never been to an engagement party.  Curious minds wondered when should you have an engagement party?  Are there certain situations in which an engagement party would not be appropriate?  Should guests bring a gift?  What is the expected attire? etc. For any of you who may be asking the same questions, here’s the deal along with some details from our own party.

What is the purpose of an engagement party, and should you have one?

Engagement parties are a fun way to formally announce your engagement.  It is also a great way to for the two families to meet and get to know each other.  At this point it is likely that your immediate families have already met, but there is a good chance that your Aunts, Uncles, friends from younger years, etc. haven’t met your fiance’s.  You also may discover that some of them have known each other for years and you had no idea. . . it is a very small world.  At our party we found out that my fiance’s family went to church with my cousins for years.  If neither of these reasons seem good enough, you can have one simply because everybody likes parties

There are however times you should have a party, and times you shouldn’t.  These basically revolve around the timing.  A general rule of thumb is to have the party within one to three months of your engagement, unless you are having a long engagement.  If you are having a long engagement it is acceptable to hold the party up until about a year before the wedding.  If you are having a very short engagement of six months or less, this would be when it would not be optimal to have a party since it is so close to the wedding.  When it is this close to the wedding it can seem like a burden among all of the other wedding festivities your friends and loved ones will be arranging their schedules to attend (the shower, the bachelor/bachelorette party, attire shopping, the rehearsal, etc).

Should guests bring gifts?

Engagement party etiquette does not dictate that gifts are necessary, as the main purpose of the party is simply to celebrate the engagement.  That being said, many guests may bring gifts anyway since they are so excited for you and your fiance.  It is a good idea to register for a few things you want before the party, since guests will want to get something you need; however there SHOULD NOT be any mention of a registry on the invitations.  If people want to know where you are registered they will ask you, or your parents.

Who should host the party?

Traditionally the bride’s family hosts the party, but just like many things dealing with weddings these days, it is not a must.  The grooms parents are also welcome to host the party.  I would not suggest having the maid of honor or best man host it since they will have many other costly duties to fill leading up to the day of the wedding.

Should the party be formal?

The level of formality, style, etc is completely up to you.  It can be a black tie affair or a backyard bbq.  It all depends on what you want, and the budget you are working with.

Who should be invited?

This is again completely your call.  The party can bean intimate gathering, or an all out bash including everyone that will be attending your big day.  The one rule is DO NOT invite anyone that will not be invited to the wedding.

Our Party.

Our engagement party was put together very quickly, but turned out to be great.  Tim’s parents and mine decided in the middle of May that they wanted to throw us a party.  We wanted to keep the date close, and because of it being summer and time for vacations the only date we could have it on was June 13th.

We all worked together to pull it off and it turned out to be a great event.  We rented tables from Select Party Rentals and linens from Choice Linens, which were a great touch.  I wanted to use cocktail tables to keep everyone on their feet socializing.  I made the centerpieces along with the help of one of my mom’s friends.  They were elegant but simple, and went great with the backyard look.  My fiance’s brother created a beautiful banner to help guests find the house, and Cutting Edge Entertainment provided the music.

We handled the food ourselves since we are phenomenal cooks , as well as the bar and drinks.  The food really came out well.  Guests were even asking what company catered it.  For the bar we had the usual(beer, wine, and some wine coolers).  I also created a signature drink which was both simple and delicious.  I mixed strawberry vodka with lemonade, poured it into a martini glass with a triple berry sugar rim, and garnished it with a pink rock candy stick.  Unfortunately I do not have a picture of it because as quick as they were made, they were drank  We also turned the bar into part of the decor by scattering pictures of us across it, which everyone enjoyed looking at.

We also made sure we had tents.  I have no luck with weather, and it did pour for a short time during the party.  Although I wanted great weather, I didn’t mind that it rained because everyone was having so much fun they stayed anyway.  It was a great day, and a wonderful time had by all.  Thank you so much to everyone who helped to make it the huge success it was.

Images by Stephanie Wells ~ Opaque White Design